April 24, 2014
JERRY:  So did you bring the lease? All right, ghee, three years, that kinda seems like a long time.GEORGE: Oh, Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry, listen, if, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all: do not feel like you have to take it.JERRY: Why?GEORGE: If you’re having second thoughts, if you didn’t want it, don’t worry about it because uh, ya know, I, I…I could take it, ya know. JERRY: You could take it? You want it?GEORGE: No, I don’t want it. I want it, if you don’t want it.JERRY: So you do want it.GEORGE: No I, I want it if you don’t want it!JERRY: You just said, you wanted it!GEORGE: No, I’m saying, if a situation arose in which you didn’t want it, I might take it.JERRY: [picks up the lease and hands it to George] So take it.GEORGE: How can I take it?!JERRY: How can I take it?GEORGE: It’s your apartment!JERRY: How can I want it now, if you want it?ELAINE: Excuse me, uuhh, I don’t mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?GEORGE: Yes, but I am not taking it.JERRY: I…am not taking it. ELAINE: Well, one of you better damn well take it!
(via The Robbery)

JERRY:  So did you bring the lease? All right, ghee, three years, that kinda seems like a long time.
GEORGE: Oh, Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry, listen, if, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all: do not feel like you have to take it.
JERRY: Why?
GEORGE: If you’re having second thoughts, if you didn’t want it, don’t worry about it because uh, ya know, I, I…I could take it, ya know.
JERRY: You could take it? You want it?
GEORGE: No, I don’t want it. I want it, if you don’t want it.
JERRY: So you do want it.
GEORGE: No I, I want it if you don’t want it!
JERRY: You just said, you wanted it!
GEORGE: No, I’m saying, if a situation arose in which you didn’t want it, I might take it.
JERRY: [picks up the lease and hands it to George] So take it.
GEORGE: How can I take it?!
JERRY: How can I take it?
GEORGE: It’s your apartment!
JERRY: How can I want it now, if you want it?
ELAINE: Excuse me, uuhh, I don’t mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?
GEORGE: Yes, but I am not taking it.
JERRY: I…am not taking it.
ELAINE: Well, one of you better damn well take it!

(via The Robbery)

April 23, 2014

ELAINE: Jerry, look at this closet! Look at this! I’m walking in it! [walks in the closet] It’s a “walk-in”. Can you believe it? I’m nuts about this, what do you think?!
JERRY: …I like that.

(via The Robbery)

April 20, 2014
ELAINE: I didn’t get that joke either.JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren’t for him. He’s the crook: why would he answer…(Jerry gives up explaining)
(via The Robbery)

ELAINE: I didn’t get that joke either.
JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren’t for him. He’s the crook: why would he answer…(Jerry gives up explaining)

(via The Robbery)

April 19, 2014

POLICEMAN: Let’s see, that’s uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer…is that ‘bout it?
ELAINE: Answering machine.
JERRY:  Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls.
POLICEMAN: What do ya mean?
JERRY: It’s a joke.
POLICEMAN: I see…Well, mister Seinfeld uh, we’ll look into it and uh, we’ll let you know if we uh, you know, if we find anything.
JERRY: You ever find anything?
POLICEMAN: No.

(via The Robbery)

April 18, 2014

KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I’m sorry, I’m uh, you have insurance, right buddy?
JERRY: No.
KRAMER: How can you not have insurance?
JERRY: Because…I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it’s the most impenetrable lock on the market today…it has only one design flaw: the door…[shuts the door] must be CLOSED.
KRAMER: Jerry! I’m gonna find your stuff. I’m gonna solve it, I’m on the case, buddy, I’m on the case!

(via The Robbery)