April 23, 2014

ELAINE: Jerry, look at this closet! Look at this! I’m walking in it! [walks in the closet] It’s a “walk-in”. Can you believe it? I’m nuts about this, what do you think?!
JERRY: …I like that.

(via The Robbery)

April 20, 2014
ELAINE: I didn’t get that joke either.JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren’t for him. He’s the crook: why would he answer…(Jerry gives up explaining)
(via The Robbery)

ELAINE: I didn’t get that joke either.
JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren’t for him. He’s the crook: why would he answer…(Jerry gives up explaining)

(via The Robbery)

April 19, 2014

POLICEMAN: Let’s see, that’s uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer…is that ‘bout it?
ELAINE: Answering machine.
JERRY:  Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls.
POLICEMAN: What do ya mean?
JERRY: It’s a joke.
POLICEMAN: I see…Well, mister Seinfeld uh, we’ll look into it and uh, we’ll let you know if we uh, you know, if we find anything.
JERRY: You ever find anything?
POLICEMAN: No.

(via The Robbery)

April 18, 2014

KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I’m sorry, I’m uh, you have insurance, right buddy?
JERRY: No.
KRAMER: How can you not have insurance?
JERRY: Because…I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it’s the most impenetrable lock on the market today…it has only one design flaw: the door…[shuts the door] must be CLOSED.
KRAMER: Jerry! I’m gonna find your stuff. I’m gonna solve it, I’m on the case, buddy, I’m on the case!

(via The Robbery)

April 15, 2014

JERRY:  You left the door open?!
KRAMER: Uh, Jer, well ya know, I was cookin’ and I, I uh, I came in to get this spatula…and I left the door open, ‘cause I was gonna bring the spatula right back!
JERRY: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?
KRAMER:  The door.
JERRY: The door? You left the door open?
KRAMER: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back.
JERRY: Yeah, and?
KRAMER: Well, I got caught up… watching a soap opera… The Bold and the Beautiful.
JERRY: So the door was wide open?
KRAMER: Wide open!

(via The Robbery)