July 31, 2014
GEORGE: (Gasping) I think I swallowed a fly! ..I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?
(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

GEORGE: (Gasping) I think I swallowed a fly! ..I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?

(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

July 30, 2014

JERRY: Am I a bad person? Did I do something terrible?
GEORGE: No, you’re a fine person. You’re a humanitarian. She’s very sexy.
JERRY: That voice. That voice. She’s driving me crazy.
GEORGE: I know, I know.
JERRY: So I can see her tonight, and you don’t care?
GEORGE: See her tonight. See her tomarrow. Go. Knock yourself out. She’s too crazy for me.
JERRY: Alright. As long as you’re okay. Because I can’t stop thinking about her.
GEORGE: I’m okay. I’m fine. I’m wonderful. I never felt better in my whole life.

(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

July 29, 2014

GEORGE: I don’t care.
JERRY: You’re kidding.
GEORGE: No, I don’t care.
JERRY: You mean that?
GEORGE: Absolutely.
JERRY: You don’t care?
GEORGE: No.
JERRY: How could you not care?
GEORGE: I don’t know. But I don’t. I’m actually almost happy to hear it.
JERRY: I thought you’d be upset.
GEORGE: I guess I should be but I’m not.
JERRY: Am I a bad person? Did I do something terrible?
GEORGE: No, you’re a fine person. You’re a humanitarian. She’s very sexy.

(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

July 28, 2014
ELAINE: This cantaloupe stinks.
(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

ELAINE: This cantaloupe stinks.

(via The Ex-Girlfriend)

July 24, 2014

ELAINE: So, I had what you might call a little encounter this morning.
JERRY: Really? That guy who stopped saying hello?
ELAINE: Yep.
JERRY: You talked to him?
ELAINE: Yep. I spotted him getting his mail. And at first, I was just going to walk on by, but then I thought “no, no, no, no. Do not be afraid of this man.”
JERRY: Right.
ELAINE: So, I walked up behind him and I tapped him on the shoulder. And I said, “Hi, remember me?” And he furrows his brow as if he’s really trying to figure it out. So I said to him, I said, “You little phony. You know exactly who I am.”
JERRY: “You little phony”?
ELAINE: I did. I most certainly did. And he said, he goes, “Oh, yeah. You’re Jeanette’s friend. We did meet once.” And I said, “Well, how do you go from that to totally ignoring a person when they walk by?”
JERRY: Amazing.
ELAINE: And he says, he says, “Look, I just didn’t want to say hello anymore, alright?” And I said, “Fine. Fine I didn’t want to say hello anymore either, but I wanted you to know that I’m aware of it.”

(via The Ex-Girlfriend)