December 5, 2013
KRAMER: Wow. He’s givin’ you a mustache. Where is this guy?GEORGE: Don’t look around. Don’t look around. That’s what he wants.ELAINE: All right. Well, I’ll see ya. Hey, George, I think there’s a sniper lookin’ to pop ya.Elaine leaves. GEORGE: This thing can’t hurt me, can it? I mean, it is a laser. What if it hits my eye?JERRY: I don’t know.GEORGE: I can’t be blind, Jerry The blind are courageous.KRAMER: You’ll be fine as long as it doesn’t hit you right in the pupil, ‘Cause then the whole ball will go up like the Death Star. Tchoo! I gotta go find a bathroom. (via The Puerto Rican Day)

KRAMER: Wow. He’s givin’ you a mustache. Where is this guy?
GEORGE: Don’t look around. Don’t look around. That’s what he wants.
ELAINE: All right. Well, I’ll see ya. Hey, George, I think there’s a sniper lookin’ to pop ya.
Elaine leaves.
GEORGE: This thing can’t hurt me, can it? I mean, it is a laser. What if it hits my eye?
JERRY: I don’t know.
GEORGE: I can’t be blind, Jerry The blind are courageous.
KRAMER: You’ll be fine as long as it doesn’t hit you right in the pupil, ‘Cause then the whole ball will go up like the Death Star. Tchoo! I gotta go find a bathroom.

(via The Puerto Rican Day)

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December 4, 2013

LADY 1: Hey! There’s that laser guy again.
LADY 2: He’s funny. I never meet anyone funny.
LADY 1: I know. A sense of humor is so much more important to me than looks or hair.
LADY 2: Mmm, yeah.
There’s an explosion on the screen. The laser moves around the screen and everyone laughs.
GEORGE: That’s gotta hurt!
Everyone stops laughing.
GEORGE: It’s…gotta hurt! Hurt! Because…Aaarrrrrgh!
George stands up.
GEORGE: Damn you, laser guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You’re just a prop comic! Where’s the craft?!
The laser guy points the laser at George’s head.
LADY 1: Look! It’s on the bald guy.
LADY 2: I am so glad we came to this showing.

(via The Puerto Rican Day)

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December 3, 2013
RADIO: What a comeback for the New York Mets— 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth.JERRY: I’ve gotta see this game. If it wasn’t for this guy, we could get out of here.LAMAR: This traffic’s a killer, ain’t it?KRAMER: You want to get outta here? Here’s what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away.JERRY: Walk away?KRAMER: You’ve got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free.JERRY: Isn’t there a deductible?KRAMER: All right, what is your deductible?JERRY: I don’t know.KRAMER: Yes, because they’ve already deducted it.JERRY: From what?KRAMER: The car, which we’re leaving. So the net is zero. See you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car.JERRY: We’re not leaving the car! (via The Puerto Rican Day)

RADIO: What a comeback for the New York Mets— 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth.
JERRY: I’ve gotta see this game. If it wasn’t for this guy, we could get out of here.
LAMAR: This traffic’s a killer, ain’t it?
KRAMER: You want to get outta here? Here’s what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away.
JERRY: Walk away?
KRAMER: You’ve got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free.
JERRY: Isn’t there a deductible?
KRAMER: All right, what is your deductible?
JERRY: I don’t know.
KRAMER: Yes, because they’ve already deducted it.
JERRY: From what?
KRAMER: The car, which we’re leaving. So the net is zero. See you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car.
JERRY: We’re not leaving the car!

(via The Puerto Rican Day)

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December 2, 2013

LASER GUY: Gimme a box of those and one of those.
GEORGE: Excuse me, are you the guy with that funny laser?
LASER GUY: The laser’s not funny. I’m funny.
GEORGE: Yeah. The thing is, I, uh…I had this little zinger of my own I wanted to try.
LASER GUY: Uh-huh.
GEORGE: It’s right in the explosion scene. So if you could just…leave me a little window. You know, my, uh, my aunt had a thing removed with a laser. All right, I don’t want to interrupt your meal, so…

(via The Puerto Rican Day)

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December 1, 2013

GEORGE: Ladies. I, uh, I haven’t seen this before.
LADY 1: What is that dot?
LADY 2: Oh, I think someone has one of those funny laser pointers.
A red laser moves around the movie screen. Everyone laughs as the dot rests on the breasts of the movie actress.

(via The Puerto Rican Day)

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