March 14, 2013

George: Hey.
Jerry: Where have you been? You know, you’re on next.
George: I got lost on the way over.
Jerry: Got lost? We went to school here for three years.
George: What are these? (Holds test tubes to his head like antennae) Take me to your leader.
Jerry: Oh my God. You had sex. You had sex with Louise!
George: No, the Portuguese waitress.
Jerry: The Portuguese waitress?
George: I calculated my odds of ever getting together with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry.
Katie: George, George, you’re on.
George: No, no. I’m not going on.
Jerry: Then what’d you come down here for?
George: Tell you about the Portuguese waitress.
Jerry: It’s good to have you back.
Katie: One of you has to go on.
Jerry: All right, I’ll do it. (Goes on stage) Hey kids. What’s the deal with homework? you’re not working on your home!

(via The Abstinence)

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